Back to School Blues

Yup, it's official my kids have started to experience the back-to-school-blues! It was all pretty exciting going back to school, seeing friends, playing, and starting after school activities! Wow, it was the best according to the kids, they were so busy now. They no longer had those get up when they want to days, watch T.V. in the afternoon, play on the computer, swim in the evening, and then stay up and watch their favorite summer time shows.
Oh, but there was one part of going back to school that they simply forgot about.......homework!

The first week back it was to ease back into the whole swing of things...we are now at the end of the first month back and so they are getting their normal homework assignments. The first couple of weeks is testing to see where the kids are at.
This weekend one of our kids had a complete melt down. He went from deciding he wasn't going to eat dinner in protest of always getting in trouble, to kids being mean to him at school, to his sister who doesn't get in trouble like he does, to the sky being blue, to the sun shining too bright!?! As I could hear my husband being as calm as can be trying to get him to calm down and trying to understand all his frustrations I just thought to myself, What?????? I was quite surprised at how my husband was handling it because at that point in his strategy to calm him down I would've just sent him to his room to finish crying and calm himself down. No later than I thought that I could hear my husband starting to lose his patience. There was no calming him down...he just needed to relax on his own in his room.
Finally I went over there and did just that...sent him to his room to relax. Eventually he made his way down and by the next day he was fine.
Whew, thank goodness we got that over.....um, I forgot I still have 3 others who are in school too! This morning it was my other sons turn. He was working on a story for homework. He wrote it then decided to scribble on the bottom of the paper. I told him he was going to have re-write his story because the paper was a mess (and his story was maybe only 1 paragraph it wasn't like I was asking him to re-write a whole page). He just wanted to cut the paper in half.....NO! As I read his story I re-wrote 2 sentences that had misspellings and the sentences weren't complete. Well he decided to try and re-do it right before breakfast. I explained the errors and he dropped his head on the table and yes, you got it....started crying! Okay well, now I don't have time to try his Dad's strategy which ultimately didn't work so I just told him go to your room and come back when you're better. Two down....hopefully the other two will bypass the whole school blues....
Hmmmm, now here comes my littlest one.... "Mama I'm so sad cause I can't go to preschool cause I am sick (cough, cough, sniffle, sniffle)". "Well, today you can rest so that tomorrow you will feel good enough to go to preschool". "Okay Mama, cause you know sissy gave me this cold she grabbed me and that's how I got sick it's all her fault"!
Ugh, if back to school blues....just gotta get into the swing of things and back to our schedule so that these blues will be gone!!!!

Just a Mom trenching her way through they yucky blues!!!

Reasons.........

Reasons.............Does everything happen for a reason??? Is everything that happens to us, that affects us, that we experience good or bad for a reason?

Someone very dear to me seems to contemplate everything in life.....wonders and tries to figure out what is the "reason" this happened or that is happening to that person...why? what did they do or how do they seem to attract these situations to them? There has to be a reason.... so what is it??

I, myself wonder why does this person try so hard to figure the "reason" for this? Why is this person spending their precious personal time thinking of a reason as to why things happen?? Couldn't it just be that life happens the way it happens because it just does?!

Oprah has gone round and round trying to figure out why her weight fluctuates so much...first she did the fasting (which I did)...then it was all about exercise with her new instructor..then it was certain ingredients that was doing it....then it was deeper and until she worked on herself she just wouldn't get there.....now a book comes out and she says this book changed her life and now she is figuring out why she gets the urge to eat or binge when she does...usually after a discussion with someone, a comment someone made that brings her back to a moment in time in her life where someone did something bad, hurt her feelings, scared her....and that is the new reason her weight is where it is at....

Okay, well, I'm so busy now a days I don't have time to watch afternoon T.V. my dear loved one is always telling me to record the shows...well, honestly I don't have enough time in a day and by the evening there's just no time left.
One day I happened to have a quiet afternoon...just in time to watch the talk show and it just happened to be the one on this book.
Well, now I can see why my dear loved one is always looking for "reasons". Why am I over weight? What happened in my child hood or what did my loved one do wrong or didn't see happening to me to lead me to the weight I'm at now? Hmmm, there has to be a "reason"....

Could it just be that I don't pay enough attention to myself to exercise, to make sure I eat right as I do for my kids, that I just don't take time out of my day and dedicate it just to myself???

Why is this person in our family going through all these really serious situations that directly affects their life in a huge way!? What is the reason? Why do they attract this to themselves? My dear loved one wonders and tries to figure it out....

Truth is I believe there just simply doesn't have to be a "reason" for everything that happens to us....sure if our milk is spoiled the "reason" is because we left it out, if there is no bread the "reason" is because we forgot to buy some at the store.
If my child should decides to skip school and hang out with their friends and then get caught in the process, who's fault is that...what is the "reason" that MY child did such an unacceptable act? Is it something that I did in my past or something I forgot to teach them that led them to do this? Or is it just something that happened because of my child's own choice?

Maybe sometimes certain situations hang around us because we allow them to hang around us...we might not intentionally invite some of them and others just might fall in our lap and we might think we can handle it all because we've been taught to be the protector, the provider, the comforter....sooner or later we need to show ourselves and just simply let go of what we can't fix, what we have no power over, what is really not our problem.

Life does throw us curve balls and boy, some of them are pretty crazy....do we deserve all that occurs...no. Is there always a "reason" it is happening to us? mmm, well, who knows? Should we spend our time trying to figure out the "reason"? I would say no. Trying to figure out reasons as to why this is happening to us is taking time away from us moving on....letting go and releasing it. We need to work on whatever issue is at hand in our lives and not worry why we have it. We need to stop looking to the past to figure out our present. What has happened in the past is done, no reason to re-live it, we can't take it back, it's not going to change what is going on now.

Good or bad, we have all learned things from our past, it makes us who we are now, it helps us to deal with situations that we otherwise might not have the strength, the patience, the love to deal with. And that is the REASON we continue to work through all that is going in our lives.

The days keep coming as do the nights and they aren't going to stop and wait for us to figure out how to handle the following day or why we couldn't get it right the night before.

Let the reasons go and focus on the now...smile today for who knows what tomorrow will give us?! Right?!

Just a Mom.............tired of trying to figure out all the "reasons".....

A whole new feeling....

Who would of thought shopping by yourself would feel so abnormal???

After I dropped off my littlest one for his first day of pre-school I went home to first put myself back together after I started to feel myself beginning to fall apart just a little. I made it home, came in and sat down....took a deep breathe in as I listened to absolutely nothing...the silence of a home that is usually filled with sounds of little voices giggling, talking, yelling, asking questions. Sounds that are usually swirling around our home non-stop were now gone.
After 12 years of babies, toddlers, potty training, I have now moved on to the next step. This is huge!
Snap!!! And that little light in my head just got really bright! I picked myself up, cleaned up a little, grabbed my purse and out the door I went. Hmmm, did the front door always open that fast and close that soon after I stepped out of it?? In my car I go, oh and wait, nooo I don't have to look in my mirror to make sure all seat belts are fastened because..... my seat belt was on and that's the only one that was being used!! Okay....so I put on MY music and what the heck? Turn that beat up!!! Hmm, I have a pretty nice stereo!! Stopped to do my first errand, I couldn't believe how fast it went. I had to go to Costco next...pulled in, got out and walked by myself towards the entry. I see a couple get out of their car slowly, the man opens the back door of the car and pulls out a baby carrier. They begin to walk slowly so I walk around the cars and easily pass them up. As I get to the shopping carts I just grab the first one and start to go in. I see other Moms, Dads, Grandparents inspecting the carts before they put their little ones in the seat. In I go zooming through the store, everywhere I look I see kids in the seats, talking, crying, wanting to get out as their parents talk to them. They stop their shopping to take care of them as I continue to walk along getting my items.
At one point I stop and think to myself am I just walking really fast??? I don't think so, I just don't have any reason to stop what I'm doing. Did I ever notice other parents dealing with their children as they are trying to get their shopping done? No, because I was one of them.
So I finished up, made my way to the register. The employees who are use to seeing me there weekly had to look twice with a puzzled look on their face... "aren't you missing someone?". "Pre school" is all I had to say...
Got home in record time!! Put the stuff away and decided to continue with my music fest. Put on the stereo LOUD, as I started to clean up, pick up, and wash I danced from room to room, sang my songs out loud...who knew cleaning up could be so fun???
Of course I kept my eye on the time knowing I'd have to pick up my little one soon. The time came to go get him and as I pulled up to his school...there he stood, my little boy all hot from playing he was lined up like the teacher asked. He started looking around and then he saw me. His little eyes lit up as he came running to me and gave me a big hug!! The best feeling!
Yes I enjoyed my day alone, I got a lot done that otherwise would've taken a lot longer, I danced and sang and even probably smiled as I cleaned (which really who smiles while they're cleaning? not me). When I saw him running to me my heart was once again full of warmth, my baby, now a pre schooler is once again with me. My little partner and I came home as he told me all about his first day. He even got a little surprise waiting for him in the car for having such a great first day. We came in the house, he changed out of his school clothes, had some ice cream, and then he came and sat down by me on the couch and said "Mama all I wanna do is snuggle right here with you cause you are the best Mama in the whole world and I love you with all my heart".
"Okay, my big boy".

A whole new feeling, a new step for this Mom, I'm ready to enjoy this new stage we are heading into with all of our kids in school.

The Here and Now

Okay......so it's been how many months??? Quite a few, I know....lot's has gone on since the last time I've posted.....um let me see...summer has come and gone for the kids, my little calorie/step counter is still around me, haunting me, echoing comments to me....from in the desk drawer. My littlest has now started preschool....a HUGE step for me....or should I be saying for him???? Hmmm, I don't know who does it affect more? Well, he seemed to have handled it all too well for me...woke up in the morning, picked out the best first day of preschool shirt he could find, got dressed, ate his breakfast, brushed his teeth, and was ready to go....only an hour ahead of time!!!!
On the other hand, my daughter is now in 6th grade and she rules the school (as they said in the movie Grease). My two other boys have started their 5th and 3rd grade years.
Life has been completely crazy these last couple of months...
I was doing well with my new little calorie counter..and then.....hmmm, what was it??????....well, I don't exactly remember but it was something.....that obviously threw me off track...cause I was down 30 pounds, running like a mad women on the treadmill determined to hit the new skinny me by the time my birthday rolled around....well, somehow that all got lost in the swing of things called life..................

Once again, I, me, myself....let go......................of just that one part that was the best thing for me...I let go... I let go of it all.....I released myself from the exercise I was doing for myself everyday, I released myself from the super- healthy way of eating, I released myself from making myself a priority.
And so here I sit....gained back 20 of the 3o pounds lost, kids are back in school, my youngest is now in pre-k 2 days a week....
So, now I actually have some personal time.....just me...no one else..after 12 years...I've found myself all by my self.....
This is truly a new beginning....for ME!!!!!

May I continue to blog of the ups and downs of a stay at home Mom....who now has found herself with a couple of hours all alone........what's a woman to do???? hmmm, I'm sure I can figure it out!!!!

Just another day for Just a Mom........................

Back to the schedule

School is back in session from winter break, Dad goes back to work, just like that we're right back in our usual pattern.............well, mostly.
Mine, started off a little differently. Now that I know this little gadget counts all my calories burned and how many steps I take I want to make sure I have it on the minute I wake up! You know, every calorie burned and every step I take count!
So knowing I would have Squiggly today which now she has turned into a little speed racer trying to get her little legs going as fast as she can I knew if I was going to get on the treadmill I'd have to do it before she got here. Well, I figured since I get up to make coffee and walk my husband out at 3:30a.m. I might as well stay up and get my exercise in while everyone was sleeping.........
Hmmm, at the time it sounded really good, then, came this morning, the first time.........after my husband left I stood in the kitchen staring at the time on the microwave clock (see, that's exactly all our microwave is good for now a days, the time!). I was thinking to myself it's still very early, it's not like I'm going to work out for 2 1/2 hours, come on I just started! What am I going to do? I can't go back to bed because by the time I'd fall asleep I'd just have to get up to do my work out..
So, I decided to go ahead and get ready, had some hot coffee, and watched a little T.V. as I put on my socks and shoes. Now that I was feeling more awake I decided to do my work out. I got it done, took my time taking a shower, and got ready quietly since everyone was still sleeping. Hmmm, this is kind of nice, my own little peace and quiet time and look I only had to find it in the dark before the sun comes up while everyone else is sleeping. Lucky me!
The morning went on, kids got up, Little speed racer was running around, and we managed to get out the door in good time.
By late morning/early afternoon I could tell I was ready for a nap but then in my head I'm thinking "nope, no laying down even if you got the two little ones down by some miracle. That would mean no movement which would mean no calories burned or no steps taken".
See, now when I find myself sitting I feel guilty because I know that's wasted time for my results. I find myself purposely going up and down the stairs more times than needed, I get out of the car and let J and Speed Racer walk around on the grass while we're waiting for the others to get out of class just so I'm moving around myself.
So, I made it through the first full day of activities, only have 6 more months to go!!
Could this be a new trend?! Hmmm, possibly, I could definitely see the clouds clearing giving me just a glimpse of something beautiful...................

Just a Mom starting to feel strong after a very long period of feeling pretty weak

The end and the beginning...

So quickly it happens, from one minute to the next you are now in a completely new year! So, what really changed? Do I feel different? Are the issues I had last year gone?
Ugh, how I wish with a new year I would have a new start. I wouldn't have to worry about the fact that my Husband will soon be out of a job, I wouldn't have to think about how we are going to continue if he doesn't find something else, I wouldn't freak out at the possibility of trying to find a job after being out of work for almost 11 years now...you know my resume is going to look inviting against all those other applicants who have probably been working or are fresh out of college!!
Although, there is a bright side to a new year.....something feels just a little different. Is it just in my mind? Or maybe it's just that fresh clean feeling of finally clearing out all the Christmas decorations, throwing out the last of the Christmas sweets, if I see just one more red and green anything......
A new year............time for change, time to start something new, time to give us a chance to begin again. Yes, and that's where the resolutions fall in....
Resolutions- Hmmmm, well, yes, there's the famous one that's usually high on a lot of peoples lists.....get in shape, lose weight, get out of debt. Yes, I would like all of the above please...
My resolution is simply this- make myself a priority in my daily routine....
I notice that I don't notice myself because I get too swept up with my children, husband, house, etc. Well, you know, all of that will still be here, just like a new year begins everything that was happening just a minute before in the last year will still be happening in this new year.
For Christmas my Mom got me the Bodybugg. I have come to realize not a lot of people know what it is. I do, because I've seen it on a show that I seem to get inspired with but end up just sitting and watching it rather than doing it for myself. It is a band that you wear on your arm that tracks how many calories you are burning all day. At the end of the day you plug it into your computer, go to the website and this little device downloads all the data it collected throughout the day. You enter what you ate and then it graphs it all for you. It tells you how many calories you burned, how many you were suppose to burn and how many you ate. Either you'll exceed your amount (which for my first day I did. Yahoo!!!) or you'll need to burn more to meet your goal for the day. It's really neat, I like it for me, I'm one who wants to exceed so if I can see what I've done for the day I feel just a little stronger to not want that sweet little something that really I don't need.
So, I'm on my way, I've started a new journey for myself, it's the first day, was a little nervous about the outcome but was very pleased with what I saw....

New Year, new feelings, new adventures, new frustrations, new love, new life, new surprises good and bad............
As we begin it we take it for what it is, we remember what happened in the last year that just ended and as we close the book we get ready to open a brand new one. Clean, clear blank pages waiting for us to fill up.

Happy New Year to all that have stumbled across my writings, I plan to continue as I know I'll have lots to share, vent, laugh, release on future entries. Taking that deep breath in..................and out for it's just the beginning.

Just a Mom looking forward (with caution) to a new year!!