We, well at least me. I don't feel that far off from my childhood. Yes, I have children, yes, some of them are at an age where I can totally see them changing from children to pre-teens, no, do I let this make me feel aged, no, do I feel like I'm feeling like a complete adult with fine lines from the sun and the past years of exploring, partying, enjoying my youth.....
When someone I enjoyed as a singer, a performer, an artist, passes away unexpectedly that in itself completely rocks my world. Michael Jackson, yes, I have to discuss it, how can I not??? If you are anywhere around my age and even not you feel the loss. His music started before I was born and continued to be in the top 10 throughout my childhood. Thriller, I remember my Dad recorded it for me to watch when I came to visit him. It was scary but he was thrilling!! No matter what any circumstances were brought up later in the years of his career, he was magical, he had a talent, that was obvious, he's one that even though he is no longer with us, his music will always be heard, whether at a club, dance performances, or movies..........
I couldn't help but watch his videos all day, Mom Jr., who just completed her dance performances last week heard one of his songs and said "That's my tap dance!!" She went right into dance mode and started her routine. His music will definitely live on, without a doubt!
Now, do I feel aged just a little?? Yes, when my children look at me and ask questions about someone I use to listen to, ask about his videos, ask why he died?
I wonder about the children who remember when Elvis passed away? I was very young, almost too young to remember, will my children remember such an icon passing away when they're grown up?
Some will, and my youngest won't. I do let them watch his videos, some show of children in Africa who do not have much of anything, some show homeless people, some show hatred towards any other race besides their own, some show our environment. I educate them with each one and let them know that there are children out there now that are starving, there are families that do not have a home, there are people who simply hate anyone who is not completely their kind.
I turn this into a lesson of compassion for those who are less fortunate than ourselves, for kindness to all no matter what their ethnic background is, to love all and not allow hate in our hearts because hate is such a strong emotion.
We must make sure our children will help someone when they are in need of help, guidance, direction, or just a guiding hand.
My hope for my children is that they will always be courteous to anyone who is in need of anything from directions or just a smile to bring some warmth and kindness to their day.
Lets make sure we allow our children to be just that, children, to giggle, play, run, pretend, explore, learn, and love.
Just a Mom who had reality hit hard when someone I enjoyed passed away way too soon!!!!!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Swarmed
Hmmm, sometimes I wonder did Hubby really cut the chord after I worked so hard to get them out??? Or do they actually have this sense of being attached to me from the very beginning that they still feel like they are???
I walk into the kitchen and here they come, I sit down to fold laundry and one by one they sit to watch, I go outside for just a little peace and here they are right behind me, I come quietly down the stairs to have some coffee to start my morning off but they are already two steps behind me and are sitting on the couch.
Just breathe, I say to myself, I always come back to that statement in my head, just breathe. You know my Aunt stopped by Sunday morning to drop off an excersaucer for Smiley (her granddaughter that I now take care of 3 days a week and whenever else my cousin needs me to). So as we sat and enjoyed a mimosa that she so kindly brought over I was telling her how my kids are always around me (as they are sitting in the kitchen by us acting silly). She laughed and said "Oh, yeah, they're just like my two cats at home. They like to be with me all the time. One of them sits on my lap while I put on my make up."
Cats!!! Are you serious, you're comparing those quiet little animals that you can't even hear walk around and may "meow" every now and then to my 4 kids who are teasing each other, one's dancing all around me, another is trying to break dance with his boney body and a hat on sideways, another is just sitting there staring with his big eyes, and then the little one is jumping around asking for this and that or pretending to rock out.
AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! My Aunt thinks they're funny, she laughs as she talks with them and then warns Hubby to start working out because soon the boys are going to be taller and bigger than him (and my husband is 6'5"). He just laughs (with a gleam in his eyes that you can only notice as he stands there and looks on at his 3 boys, being silly as it seems to be contagious from one to the next).
I know I may complain about it now, wish I had some type of breathing room, reminiscing the times when I could go freely out to listen to music with friends and laugh, dancing, go out to dinner and enjoy it peacefully over a nice conversation, have a clean living environment for more than a couple of hours.
My Mom reminds me that I really need to embrace my children now that they are so attached to me, that they want to be around me and my husband all the time, that they come to us for everything, because before we know it they aren't. They are going to want to be far away from us, they are going to want to be out with friends, they are going to want what I long for now. At the same time I am hoping I will be able to remind myself of that feeling when they are wanting it and I am trying to pull that invisible chord back to me.
It happens so fast I'm sure, I try now to relax and remember that, but when we live in the here and now it is really hard. It's super hard for me since they are my complete life (including hubby of course). I am with them all the time from morning to night.
Sometimes I think working Moms have it easier because they get to be involved in something else besides their children so when they come home to them they are interested in what their children are telling them about what they missed throughout the day where as I am there for it all and am just waiting for hubby to get home so that I can separate myself from them for just a little bit.
Okay, so on the other hand I have the privilege of not having to hear it being told by my children I actually get to be present for it all (good and bad).
As I type this I am reading back through it and thinking to myself enjoy it all for what it is because it'll definitely change in a blink of an eye!!!
All the memories I had as a child my children are now starting to store in their memories. I need to focus on that now, I need to find time to do something special so that they can look back and say "I remember that summer!!"
Make this summer count, whether we take them to the beach for the day, to the movies, let them camp outside, have friends spend the night, go to the fair, go to a concert and just dance!!! Give them something to remember, for us to remember, something that will be talked about in the future when our children are adults, maybe even parents, something they'll smile about and say" that was so fun!!"
Just a Mom trying to find her way with her children through the summer.
I walk into the kitchen and here they come, I sit down to fold laundry and one by one they sit to watch, I go outside for just a little peace and here they are right behind me, I come quietly down the stairs to have some coffee to start my morning off but they are already two steps behind me and are sitting on the couch.
Just breathe, I say to myself, I always come back to that statement in my head, just breathe. You know my Aunt stopped by Sunday morning to drop off an excersaucer for Smiley (her granddaughter that I now take care of 3 days a week and whenever else my cousin needs me to). So as we sat and enjoyed a mimosa that she so kindly brought over I was telling her how my kids are always around me (as they are sitting in the kitchen by us acting silly). She laughed and said "Oh, yeah, they're just like my two cats at home. They like to be with me all the time. One of them sits on my lap while I put on my make up."
Cats!!! Are you serious, you're comparing those quiet little animals that you can't even hear walk around and may "meow" every now and then to my 4 kids who are teasing each other, one's dancing all around me, another is trying to break dance with his boney body and a hat on sideways, another is just sitting there staring with his big eyes, and then the little one is jumping around asking for this and that or pretending to rock out.
AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! My Aunt thinks they're funny, she laughs as she talks with them and then warns Hubby to start working out because soon the boys are going to be taller and bigger than him (and my husband is 6'5"). He just laughs (with a gleam in his eyes that you can only notice as he stands there and looks on at his 3 boys, being silly as it seems to be contagious from one to the next).
I know I may complain about it now, wish I had some type of breathing room, reminiscing the times when I could go freely out to listen to music with friends and laugh, dancing, go out to dinner and enjoy it peacefully over a nice conversation, have a clean living environment for more than a couple of hours.
My Mom reminds me that I really need to embrace my children now that they are so attached to me, that they want to be around me and my husband all the time, that they come to us for everything, because before we know it they aren't. They are going to want to be far away from us, they are going to want to be out with friends, they are going to want what I long for now. At the same time I am hoping I will be able to remind myself of that feeling when they are wanting it and I am trying to pull that invisible chord back to me.
It happens so fast I'm sure, I try now to relax and remember that, but when we live in the here and now it is really hard. It's super hard for me since they are my complete life (including hubby of course). I am with them all the time from morning to night.
Sometimes I think working Moms have it easier because they get to be involved in something else besides their children so when they come home to them they are interested in what their children are telling them about what they missed throughout the day where as I am there for it all and am just waiting for hubby to get home so that I can separate myself from them for just a little bit.
Okay, so on the other hand I have the privilege of not having to hear it being told by my children I actually get to be present for it all (good and bad).
As I type this I am reading back through it and thinking to myself enjoy it all for what it is because it'll definitely change in a blink of an eye!!!
All the memories I had as a child my children are now starting to store in their memories. I need to focus on that now, I need to find time to do something special so that they can look back and say "I remember that summer!!"
Make this summer count, whether we take them to the beach for the day, to the movies, let them camp outside, have friends spend the night, go to the fair, go to a concert and just dance!!! Give them something to remember, for us to remember, something that will be talked about in the future when our children are adults, maybe even parents, something they'll smile about and say" that was so fun!!"
Just a Mom trying to find her way with her children through the summer.
Friday, June 5, 2009
First week down, um, 9 more to go...... I thought the first week would've flew by especially because I have Smiley the baby every other day, unfortunately this was ultimately the longest week I've had in a long time! Usually I want their days off from school to last forever, now I realize I feel that way when I knew it would end quickly and they'd be back in school. This time around they won't be going back at the end of the week or the beginning of the other. I also had to factor in Smiley, this is our first summer vacation with Smiley.
Normally I would've already bought workbooks for them to work in every day, we would've hit the library for reading, and I would've searched the Internet for fun work pages that I could print out and have them do during the day.
I don't know if my life is just getting busier or I just was not on top of things this time around. So I decided the first week I'd give them a break, let them relax, enjoy not having to rush for this or that, let us enjoy the first week together, not worry about eating by 7:00 in the morning, sleep a little longer, watch a little morning T.V. Well, someone should've just slapped me across the face!! Snap out of that dream world lady!!! These kids do not know the meaning of any of that! Especially Jr. he gets going and he's all over the place till he falls asleep, it's unbelievable how much energy that kid has. My children are not allowed to have any type of caffeine, little sugar, drink mostly water and milk, yet this boy just has this crazy energy that is just popping off of him all the time! "D" will get tired or too hot to continue playing outside, "J" loves to just be a part of whatever the boys are doing, he would stay outside all day if someone would stay out there with him. Now Mom Jr. is quite helpful. She loves to help out with Smiley, loves to hold her, play with her, feed her, it is just like the baby sister she never had (and will never have). She helps out quite a bit. She allows me to have the time to take 30 minutes for myself to work out (which I have started as of the 1st of June).
I have also realized (after a conversation I had with my brother) that I don't want my daughter to feel as though she must serve and put first in front of her any man whether it be her brother, boyfriend, husband, or simply just a friend. I was brought up seeing my Grandma serve my Grandpa first, then all the other boys. The girls always came last. You don't realize how you just become programmed to follow along what you've seen. I always make sure my husband,boys, and daughter are fed before I think about myself. I want my daughter to realize she is just as important as any of them. It's great to be motherly but at the same time don't put yourself last.
Boy, that came out easier than actually doing. My Birthday Buddy tells me I'm a really good person for all that I do, in my mind it's what I should do and if I don't I feel guilty. So when I hear one of the boys ask my daughter to get them something and she says no because she's eating or drinking at the time I let it go.
It's really hard for me but I want her to know she's just as important as anyone else (which, really, I don't think will be hard to do, she has a strength in her that just glows around her and makes you know she knows exactly what she wants and expects).
This week has definitely been eye opening for me. I need to get busy on a schedule for them because if I don't I will be in pieces by the end of the week. I hope other Moms remember who they were before babies because I know I have completely let that girl disappear.
We, as parents ultimately live for our babies naturally but we have to remember these babies wouldn't be here if we didn't want them in the first place. They can't overtake us, they live for us, they learn from us, they love us, they look to us for guidance, for protection, for lessons that will help them as they grow into adults themselves.
So, as I type this I, myself am going to take a deep breath and just enjoy the evening for what it is. The end of the first week of summer, the beginning of preparations of Mom Jr.'s end of the year dance recital that will begin in the next week coming up.
I watch her in complete awe, I am lost in words when I see her dance, my baby brings tears to my eyes, I never imagined seeing her dance the way she does, she reminds my of my Sister, that's exactly who she takes after.
Just a Mom beginning Summer and anticipating her one and only daughter's first big dance year!
Normally I would've already bought workbooks for them to work in every day, we would've hit the library for reading, and I would've searched the Internet for fun work pages that I could print out and have them do during the day.
I don't know if my life is just getting busier or I just was not on top of things this time around. So I decided the first week I'd give them a break, let them relax, enjoy not having to rush for this or that, let us enjoy the first week together, not worry about eating by 7:00 in the morning, sleep a little longer, watch a little morning T.V. Well, someone should've just slapped me across the face!! Snap out of that dream world lady!!! These kids do not know the meaning of any of that! Especially Jr. he gets going and he's all over the place till he falls asleep, it's unbelievable how much energy that kid has. My children are not allowed to have any type of caffeine, little sugar, drink mostly water and milk, yet this boy just has this crazy energy that is just popping off of him all the time! "D" will get tired or too hot to continue playing outside, "J" loves to just be a part of whatever the boys are doing, he would stay outside all day if someone would stay out there with him. Now Mom Jr. is quite helpful. She loves to help out with Smiley, loves to hold her, play with her, feed her, it is just like the baby sister she never had (and will never have). She helps out quite a bit. She allows me to have the time to take 30 minutes for myself to work out (which I have started as of the 1st of June).
I have also realized (after a conversation I had with my brother) that I don't want my daughter to feel as though she must serve and put first in front of her any man whether it be her brother, boyfriend, husband, or simply just a friend. I was brought up seeing my Grandma serve my Grandpa first, then all the other boys. The girls always came last. You don't realize how you just become programmed to follow along what you've seen. I always make sure my husband,boys, and daughter are fed before I think about myself. I want my daughter to realize she is just as important as any of them. It's great to be motherly but at the same time don't put yourself last.
Boy, that came out easier than actually doing. My Birthday Buddy tells me I'm a really good person for all that I do, in my mind it's what I should do and if I don't I feel guilty. So when I hear one of the boys ask my daughter to get them something and she says no because she's eating or drinking at the time I let it go.
It's really hard for me but I want her to know she's just as important as anyone else (which, really, I don't think will be hard to do, she has a strength in her that just glows around her and makes you know she knows exactly what she wants and expects).
This week has definitely been eye opening for me. I need to get busy on a schedule for them because if I don't I will be in pieces by the end of the week. I hope other Moms remember who they were before babies because I know I have completely let that girl disappear.
We, as parents ultimately live for our babies naturally but we have to remember these babies wouldn't be here if we didn't want them in the first place. They can't overtake us, they live for us, they learn from us, they love us, they look to us for guidance, for protection, for lessons that will help them as they grow into adults themselves.
So, as I type this I, myself am going to take a deep breath and just enjoy the evening for what it is. The end of the first week of summer, the beginning of preparations of Mom Jr.'s end of the year dance recital that will begin in the next week coming up.
I watch her in complete awe, I am lost in words when I see her dance, my baby brings tears to my eyes, I never imagined seeing her dance the way she does, she reminds my of my Sister, that's exactly who she takes after.
Just a Mom beginning Summer and anticipating her one and only daughter's first big dance year!
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