And the beat goes on.......

Remember when you were little days went by slow, weeks lasted longer, and months, well, they seemed to never end................
We were so innocent then, we would hear the same advice from our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, basically any adult........
Enjoy the time that seems to last so long now because as you age the time seems to speed up and the days are like a blink of an eye, the weeks are a blur, and the months disappear like daylight does at the end of a day.
What were they talking about? I use to wonder, we're all living in the same time.....how can they possibly think time zooms by so fast???
Well, fast forward to now...........me, the parent of 4 children, the wife, the aunt, still the daughter, the sister, the grand daughter. I think back to the days of playing, skating outside on the sidewalk, watching Fraggle Rock............there was so much to do, so much time.
Life moves along, we continue to grow, we begin to make mistakes, we learn, we still have fun, laugh, smile...........
Why is it that we learn our most important lessons as we get older when those lessons could've really helped us out a few years before?
Yes, we did learn from our mistakes but now what? We continue to grow, live, become wiser through our life experiences.......but it's done......we can't go back now and use what we've learned to fix our past mistakes, we can't relive that age and make a better choice instead of the one we chose at the time.
Oh, okay, I get it...........it's called life!!
Do I regret any of my past?? Mmmmm, nah, it made me who I am!
Maybe we didn't have the knowledge of those important lessons that we learned later in life for a reason. We wouldn't have been that careless teen or that early 20's person with nothing to worry about but ourselves and having fun.
Yes, as we age along comes the wisdom we slowly pick up along the way.
Today is my Brother's Birthday. He actually told me he feels healthier now than he did years ago. Did he figure out something I have yet to stumble upon? Maybe.
I'm still in that "days fly by" mode. I know, I can hear my Mom now "you just need to make time for yourself, it's your fault, you don't take time for yourself".
What can I say to that? Well, if I had another hour or two to put it all out there I would.

To my Big Brother, today you start a new year in your life.........may it be one that makes each new day a little brighter for you. I hope and pray this next year brings you more love, strength, and happiness that you can feel deep within your sole.
You have always been a bright light in my life, with your weird sense of humor (and you know what I'm talking about...) to your protectiveness of your family. As I think of all that we've gone through since we were little till now one thing stands out for sure..........us.
Happy, Happy Birthday Brother!!!!

Just a Mom understanding the feeling of how fast time goes by but can still remember what it felt like as a child when time creeped by..........

Middle of the week day.......

Yes it's Wednesday, yes I am slowly falling behind on getting my thoughts put out here for all of you to read about and maybe agree with...........
So, I must continue to say life is completely crazy, just like a roller coaster it goes up slowly and drops you down fast!!!
I try really hard to be involved in every aspect of my children's lives as well as my family members. We always think our family is made of stone, nothing can harm them, it won't happen to us, we'll be just fine.........................until, little by little that wall of strength starts to break down, slowly it crumbles and we just simply can't put it back together fast enough.
Every family has it's little secrets, whether we decide to keep them to ourselves rather than share them with those that we are closest to is simply a decision one makes. Eventually little hints, signs, comments will make their way out and we slowly will pick them up and figure out what is going on..........
Point being, if we have a close knit family we need to embrace the comfort, security, and strength our family will give us. We need to remember our family is only here for us, to help us, to protect us, to do what is necessary to help us in whatever situation we are in..........
Life is definitely fragile, we hear the phrase "one in four will get this" one in three will experience that". Well, that really means at sometime someone in our family will be affected by something at sometime and we all will have to deal with it.
Yes, it's scary, yes, it makes us worry, yes, it makes us curious of the outcome, but.......we will unite, we will together build the strength and comfort needed for those in our family who need it right now and we will shower them with all that we have to give............

The conclusion to this entry is never doubt your family, trust in them, believe in them, let them in, they are your blood, they are a part of you, they will be there, they love you................

Just a Mom dealing with a family going through a lot of changes.............................

Friiiiiday!!!!

Unbelievable! The week has simply flown by with a couple of attempts to blog but never made it to the end....
Life becomes crazy, fast, and even when you think you can try to get it to just slow down just enough to sit back and take a deep breath something interrupts it and off we go again!!!
There is not one day where we all just have a family evening all together..............don't get me wrong I am glad my children are very active, I can't even imagine them just being home everyday of the week with nothing else to do besides homework. Another positive point is the weeks do fly by fast...
Okay, so good news for the week, my Grandma's blood test results showed that she lacked vitamin B12. Infact it was so low they are giving her shots of it to bring it up. This vitamin effects the brain which would help us understand her memory loss and confusion. They're giving her shots of this vitamin for a month and then will test her again. Meanwhile we are going to see if it makes a difference with her mentally.........praying, crossing fingers, throwing it out to the universe, and doing anything else that would send positive vibes my Grandmas way that this helps her enough to make life less confusing and a bit more comfortable for her.
The craziness of the week, BOYS- not concerned about homework, not concerned about their clothes, not concerned about getting their stuff done. Mom- fuming about not having shirts picked out for school picture day after telling them the day before about choosing them ahead of time, exhausted of repeating myself about the morning schedule to make it out the door for school.
The shocker of the week, Mom Jr. - what happened to that sweet girl who had manners, was polite, quiet, all the other parents loved and would tell me how great she was??? Hmmm, I think she became swarmed by the obnoxious, loud, shocking behavior that Mom Jr. has now been sharing with everyone much to the surprise of her Dad and me.
It's unbelievable how this girl who dances 10 hours a week besides having 2 and 1/2 hours of soccer practice a week on top of school, which I must say is keeping her grades up could act the way she has.
Maybe she's been given too much and is taking advantage of all that we do for her, especially me. My new rule- keep it up, restrictions will be put in place..........

Somewhere in between all of the above I remind myself to breathe!!! Stop, close your eyes, breathe in deeply, and slowly release it.....................

Life continues on, mornings are becoming breezy and cool, we take it day by day, step by step, some steps are harder than others but we manage....

We take the tests our children throw our way and hopefully we pass them strongly so that they know not to test us again...................

Such a busy time in our lives, savor the quiet times, relax when possible, find time to better our health by exercising, oh, and don't forget to.................................laugh!!!!!!



Just a Mom trying to slow the pace down just a little.........................

Sunday Trip

Sunday morning- the sun was shining bright as the trees leaves were rustling around from the cool morning breeze....
Fall feels like it has finally arrived...to wake up snuggled in bed with a blanket as we could feel the cool air breezing in from the slightly opened window in our room. It's definitely a nice change from the hot summer mornings that have seemed to linger on longer than usual.
I got up, made some coffee, looked at the paper, and then started breakfast. My major objective for the day was to take D for a haircut now that he likes his hair a certain way and no longer wants my spiked hair cut and to get Jr. some jeans that will fit him.
After breakfast Mom Jr.(who usually goes everywhere with me), Jr., and D got ready to go out. I thought for sure J was going to want to go but to my surprise he said "Mama I stay here wit Daddy and help cut the grass".
First stop- haircut for D. We walk in, I give his name, they tell us it's going to be about 30 minutes. D tells me "Mom I got the wiggles". "You'll be fine, I use to get my haircut here when I was little" "right here?" "no, not this exact one".
Mom Jr. walks next door to look at the girly store while the boys and I wait. The boys start looking at hair style books. D and Jr. see a certain hairstyle "Mom you should cut your hair like that and surprise Daddy" "I actually like that style but not today". D is turning the pages and starts to giggle "look at the one, that persons face looks like Michael Jackson". Jr. now wants to see. Now both the boys are giggling. "Okay, stop, turn the page". Of course it has to be my boys in a small place that actually is very quiet to make the most noise!! They finally put the book down and D asks me "Mom do some people get their eyebrows cut?" "mmm, I don't know, girls get them plucked or waxed but I don't know if anyone gets them cut" "well, what about nose hairs? I bet some people cut their nose hairs". D says that to me as he giggles in this quiet place!! "I don't know, now just be quiet please". Of course, now it's Jr.'s turn...he's sliding off the bench, laying down, acting like he's shooting things........
Just a few more minutes, I'm watching people getting called up one by one. I don't know if the hair styles people are asking for are getting easier or if they are just rushing through to get to us next.
Finally!!! D is called, I talk to the hair stylist about what he wants and then I go to sit with Mom Jr. and Jr. The hair stylist calls me over to see D's hair and it looks great, she's asking me a few questions as I notice Mom Jr. and Jr. are now standing next to me. "Go sit down" they don't move "go sit down please!". It's like they have to give their approval too!
We make it out of there and head off to the clothing store that is in another town about 30 minutes away.
Jr. is tall and thin, he is my string bean boy, therefore he needs string bean jeans. He's lucky that now a days they make clothes to sort of fit his body type otherwise he would've been the boy either wearing high water pants or pants too big to stay on him unless he wore suspenders!
We get in the store I find him some that fit him in length, they are slims, with an adjustable waist. I have to pull them as tight as I can and yup they're still comfortable for him. Infact you'd never guess they're slims on him because they're still lose everywhere else. Mom Jr. has the same issues as Jr. except not as bad so of course she wants to try some on, oh, and don't forget D, he also wants to try on some.
Okay, so we're back in the dressing room, I have Mom Jr. standing behind me trying on pants as the boys are standing in front of me while D is putting on his pants. I don't know what happened but as I was folding the pants up for D I see his behind wiggling in my face. I look up into the mirror and he's dancing (and of course giggling)! "Hey, do these pants make you dance?!" D just continues to giggle as Jr. joins him.
We make it to the register. My intention was to buy jeans just for Jr. and ended up buying jeans for Mom Jr. and D as well. Of course I couldn't come home with nothing for J so I got him some pajamas. I swipe my card and start to enter my I.D. number.
D is standing right next to me "was that our phone number?" "no" "our address?" "no". The cashier is giving us the bag and handing me the receipt, D continues "5-8-4..." "be quiet" "what? I'm just saying the numbers out loud to see if I know them""that is my personal I.D. number that no one should know and you are saying it out loud" "ooohhhh".
Thank goodness, we were done. I think it was just enough shopping for the boys because they were actually quiet on the way home.
One thing is for sure, it's never a dull moment with these boys no matter where we are.........

Just a Mom glad to have accomplished what I set out to do for today..........................

The next step...

Okay, so the week is over, the soccer games are done, the thoughts are flowing, what to do next, how to help, research, whatever is necessary to make life easier for our Grandma, our Mom, our Aunts..............

We all know that no one can live forever but we never ever want to think about what life would be like with out the ones we consider to be the strong one, the heart of the family, the one we make sure we all get together for the holidays, the special birthdays........

I, myself, feel a strong connection with my Grandmother. My Grandma worked at my elementary school. She was as an aide in a 6th grade classroom. My 2 cousins, my brother, and I went to the school. Everyone thought my Grandma was our Mom. They would say she looked so young she couldn't be our Grandma.
Our Grandma made sure we had a good breakfast before we left for school as did our Grandfather once he stopped working.
I could still see my Grandma sitting on her chair that had this golden cushion seat with a rod iron backing putting on her make up and brushing her hair just right before we'd leave for school. In her top dresser drawer she had egg cartons that she saved and used to hold her jewelery in.
My Grandma, always seemed so strong, so strict, but at the same time loves to hear music, dance, have company, and laugh.
My Grandma, the one who believed if you told her certain symptoms for an illness, she had it. I would tease her and tell her "Grandma if I gave you symptoms for being pregnant you'd say you had them". She would just laugh and tell me "no, I couldn't have that anymore".

Life continues to move on...............we go to our kids soccer games, cheer them on, smile, laugh, enjoy the day. In the back on my mind, I'm thinking of my Grandma. The last of the original generation for our family. The one who took care of my brother, 2 cousins, and me. I just can't help it, she is just such a big part of who I am, who I've become, how I care for my family. I don't understand how anyone who has been touched and cared for by her who could deny her the right of being completely comfortable and happy without fear as she continues on into the twilight of her life.

My Grandma who has told me the stories of her living in Gilroy with her Mom and got a job in San Francisco as a welder working on this ships that were going off into the war. There in San Francisco is where she met my Grandfather. He was so handsome all the women were looking at him. He came to my Grandma and asked her to dance and from there they were together until the end.

My kids love their Great Grandma. Jr., D, and J love to go visit Great Grandma and her dog Mango. J always wants to call Grandma to ask her if she'll take him to Great Grandmas house. Whenever we leave to go somewhere he knows exactly where Great Grandma lives and tells me "Mama there's Great Grandmas house".

So we continue on, make life as easy as possible for our Grandma, understand and have patience when she asks us the same thing over and over. I, myself, have to learn not to be scared of the changes that are occurring with her but rather figure a way to help her, ease her frustration as she, herself gets frustrated with the forgetfulness she is experiencing.

I am afraid of death, afraid of losing the links to my family.............especially the strong ones.
My Grandma could live for a long time and then again like my Grandfather it could come fast. I have always pulled myself away because of fear, this time I'm going to try and release the fear and embrace my Grandma for exactly who she is at the moment.

Either way I know my Grandma will be fine for she has the best care anyone could ask for in her 3 daughters ....my Mom, my Tia, and my Aunt..............

Just a Mom trying to deal with emotional and physical changes in her close family unit.........