Okay, so the week is over, the soccer games are done, the thoughts are flowing, what to do next, how to help, research, whatever is necessary to make life easier for our Grandma, our Mom, our Aunts..............
We all know that no one can live forever but we never ever want to think about what life would be like with out the ones we consider to be the strong one, the heart of the family, the one we make sure we all get together for the holidays, the special birthdays........
I, myself, feel a strong connection with my Grandmother. My Grandma worked at my elementary school. She was as an aide in a 6th grade classroom. My 2 cousins, my brother, and I went to the school. Everyone thought my Grandma was our Mom. They would say she looked so young she couldn't be our Grandma.
Our Grandma made sure we had a good breakfast before we left for school as did our Grandfather once he stopped working.
I could still see my Grandma sitting on her chair that had this golden cushion seat with a rod iron backing putting on her make up and brushing her hair just right before we'd leave for school. In her top dresser drawer she had egg cartons that she saved and used to hold her jewelery in.
My Grandma, always seemed so strong, so strict, but at the same time loves to hear music, dance, have company, and laugh.
My Grandma, the one who believed if you told her certain symptoms for an illness, she had it. I would tease her and tell her "Grandma if I gave you symptoms for being pregnant you'd say you had them". She would just laugh and tell me "no, I couldn't have that anymore".
Life continues to move on...............we go to our kids soccer games, cheer them on, smile, laugh, enjoy the day. In the back on my mind, I'm thinking of my Grandma. The last of the original generation for our family. The one who took care of my brother, 2 cousins, and me. I just can't help it, she is just such a big part of who I am, who I've become, how I care for my family. I don't understand how anyone who has been touched and cared for by her who could deny her the right of being completely comfortable and happy without fear as she continues on into the twilight of her life.
My Grandma who has told me the stories of her living in Gilroy with her Mom and got a job in San Francisco as a welder working on this ships that were going off into the war. There in San Francisco is where she met my Grandfather. He was so handsome all the women were looking at him. He came to my Grandma and asked her to dance and from there they were together until the end.
My kids love their Great Grandma. Jr., D, and J love to go visit Great Grandma and her dog Mango. J always wants to call Grandma to ask her if she'll take him to Great Grandmas house. Whenever we leave to go somewhere he knows exactly where Great Grandma lives and tells me "Mama there's Great Grandmas house".
So we continue on, make life as easy as possible for our Grandma, understand and have patience when she asks us the same thing over and over. I, myself, have to learn not to be scared of the changes that are occurring with her but rather figure a way to help her, ease her frustration as she, herself gets frustrated with the forgetfulness she is experiencing.
I am afraid of death, afraid of losing the links to my family.............especially the strong ones.
My Grandma could live for a long time and then again like my Grandfather it could come fast. I have always pulled myself away because of fear, this time I'm going to try and release the fear and embrace my Grandma for exactly who she is at the moment.
Either way I know my Grandma will be fine for she has the best care anyone could ask for in her 3 daughters ....my Mom, my Tia, and my Aunt..............
Just a Mom trying to deal with emotional and physical changes in her close family unit.........
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