the only difference is this is the final time..I'm talking about my husbands job, we've had so many ups and downs. The roller coaster we have been on regarding the fate of his job has finally come to an end.
It was put out, plain and simple the company will close. Is it simple? Not really, on the business side of it I'm sure there's still a lot to be hammered out between the employees and the business. On the personal side, definitely not!
Okay, so we kind of knew what was coming, we were semi-prepared, so you would think when the actual words were said it wouldn't be so difficult...WRONG!
The thought, the rumors, the predictions are now reality. The personal part is obviously the hardest part.
So, there I saw it in black and white staring at me as I stared back and read the words one by one slowly so as to make sure there was no misunderstanding, this is it..................
I just sat there, numb, didn't feel like moving, couldn't think, just sat. J was playing and came up to me "Mama what we gonna do today?" Okay, snap out of it-"We have to go to Grandmas to water the plants", "Oh, Mama I good at dat, I do it too, K Mama" "Okay, you can water too". It was like he knew something was wrong. J put his shoes on, grabbed mine and brought them over to me "Here Mama, I got yo shoes fo you, let go".
Get up, I think to myself, go about your day, nothings going to change the words are there to stay they aren't going to change no matter how hard you stare at them....
Off we go to my Mom's house, we water, get the mail, lock up and make our way back home. I end up talking to Daddy who now has confirmed what I basically already know. He seems better about it than me. "Don't worry, we're a strong family, we'll be okay" he says "we have time to figure out what to do" "It could be a blessing in disguise","we'll find a way".
"Okay" is all I can say as tears are now rolling down my face. I try hard to keep him from hearing me getting upset. As we walk in the door J asks if he can play out back for a while. I tell him okay and there I find my way back to where I first began, at the desk, the computer in front of me as I sit hoping to see a message from my Mom who I first sent a message to. My Mom, she's the one I usually turn to, here I am a Mother myself, who is still looking for the comfort only a Mom can give....unfortunately, there is no response. I place my elbows on the desk, rest my head in my hands and just cry. Scared? Of course I am! There I sit releasing my fear, my feelings of helplessness. I hear J coming in, okay now stop, wipe your face, don't let him see you sad. J comes over to me "Mama what you doing? You on da computer?" "Yes, I'm getting off right now though so that I can start cleaning up" "Oh, otay Mama", "Mama, you make me lunch? I getting weally hungy!!" "okay, clean up your toys in here and I'll get your lunch" "Ooohh, Mama dat gonna take a looong time!" "that's okay you can do it".
Get his lunch and start cleaning up. I think to myself, just keep going. I continue to clean as tears continue to stream down my face. Well, I figure at least I'm getting stuff done.
I pick up the kids from school, bump into a friend, it's almost too hard to tell anyone what's going on. I feel just as bad telling them because you can tell they aren't sure what to say. Sorry, if there's anything we can do? When really there's nothing left to do... I don't like to put people in that position, I don't like being in that position.......
We come home, Daddy gets home, the kids are running around getting ready for soccer practice and ask Dad "Is your job closing down?" "yes" "oh".
Get to soccer practice, take J on a walk as Daddy coaches his team, cry a little more as I talk to people who already know what's going on from seeing it on the news. My main thing is just don't hug me, not trying to be mean but I would just crumble.
Came home a little early, started dinner, finally I get a response from my Mom, the one person I needed to hear from all day. "At least we know now and have time to prepare, when one door closes another opens, maybe it's Gods plan for him to find a job closer to home".
Text messages are definitely not the same as the phone!!
It's the end of one eye opening, heart crushing day. Point is time doesn't stop, the clock keeps ticking as the night will soon turn into morning. A new day will begin and we'll continue on our daily routine.
Our minds of course will be spinning on ideas and thoughts of what to do for the near future....
And all the positive sayings will continue to be said from friends and family trying to be positive for us as we are the ones in limbo. It'll be just what we need, where we are weak they will be strong for us.
Time will tell, our future shall be bright because there is just no room for darkness in a family with 4 young children who are depending on us to continue to nurture them, support them, protect them..........................
Just a Mom trying to find the strength with in myself to push me through the tears and fears of what the future holds for us...
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