So, yes I know things aren't good with my husbands job, we were just discussing that last night which my last entry was about. I get up this morning, grab my iced coffee and make my way over to the computer. Thought I'd do a little research on my endless quest to get my website up and going. The discussion my husband and I had last night was still fresh in my mind so with the Internet and all it's information just a few typed letters away how could I resist? I typed in those few letters of my husbands company's name. Up pops one article stating it's decided to close. Okay so that's just one, you know news sites, they as well can voice their own opinion and since I only see one comment I don't think much of it. All of a sudden I notice another pop up, then another, then another. I get on the phone call Sr. at work to ask how things are going? He says the usual. I tell him what I'm seeing, he then starts to check it out himself. By now the news is everywhere it's no longer just one sites comment it's on every cities websites in the area. Okay that little crack that had begun with the little bits and pieces we were hearing has now opened up quite widely. I'm starting to take deep breaths, the tears that were barely hanging on are now flowing freely down my face. I see us barely hanging on to the edge by our fingertips with our children on our backs as we're dangling there about to fall in this widening crack. My husbands saying "it doesn't look good, try not to worry nothing has been said here yet". Yeah, well, I knew it was only a matter of time because with the news everywhere it was only a matter of time before the employees would hear about it. I'm scared, I get the reassurance "you'll be okay, you guys will make it, you'll find a way". In this economy that's hard to swallow, I knew I'd have to go back to work. Sure I see that happening very easily, I haven't worked outside my home since Mom Jr. was born!! 10 years!! Who's going to hire a stay at home mom who has not worked in that amount of time. Sure I KNOW I could do the job but with all these other hungry people out there that probably have an up to date resume and more experience well, I think we can all see where this was heading. Meanwhile my kids are sensing something as they see me sitting here staring at the computer getting on and off the phone with tears streaming down my face. J is unbelievably quiet playing with his toys right beside me. He's not asking me a million and one questions, he's not tapping my arm with his little finger or asking me "what coming on next Mama?" He's just playing quietly. The other 3 went upstairs and were playing until they started to get loud as they were blaming each other for something. By now I was done with the yelling between them I knew I wasn't going to be good at handling this if it continued. I called them all down, I turned around to talk to them and I don't know if it was the fact that they could see I was crying or just the vibe in the room but as soon as I started to talk to them they all began to tear up. I explained to them today was not a good day for me, today was a day where I needed them to be nice and not argue with each other. They all shook their heads and went their separate ways. J never looked up just continued to play quietly. After talking to Sr. once more he informed me of a notice that had been sent out regarding all the leaked information and said nothing was formerly decided. Still I had to start thinking of what to do next, although I really couldn't focus on much I was just scared. J started running in circles saying "I have to pee, I have to pee" I told him "go to the bathroom". He looked at me, walked over to me and said "Okay Mama, I love you" and hugged me. I knew right then I had to snap out of it, J was keeping an eye on me, he didn't want to leave me, he needed to make sure I was okay. I got up and made myself do stuff. I went outside to mow the lawn, perfect I would have my sunglasses on, pushing the lawn mower no one would no I was upset. I turn and see Jr. standing by the side of the car watching me, I look further up by the garage and there's D he's watching me too.
The rest of the day they are pretty much quiet not asking me for things, patiently waiting for their lunch (which was given to them late). This is something we will have to discuss with them so they don't worry on their own instead we can all discuss as a family and figure what our next step will be. This will be a test of our strength as a family to hopefully get our footing on that edge that we're dangling from and climb our way out.
After a while of sitting on the couch I got up to go to the restroom, as I was washing my hands I looked in the mirror, wow, it's been so long since I've seen my eyes that swollen, great, now I look like a frog with big puffy eye lids!! What a day!?! It's been the longest, scariest, unbelievable day that ended with the work situation being the exact way it was just yesterday. My husbands thought on all of it "Don't look up the company, wait for word from the company itself"!!
Just a Mom with way too many emotions for just one day.......................who's completely drained
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