The day after...

The end of a crazy week is finally here, a week that has left me feeling completely drained, you know the kind of feeling where you just feel empty, vulnerable, unstable. Of course the day after the storm all I want to do is make my children feel safe, feel normal, happy, just like any other day....until they see the newspaper and there it is on the front page in bold letters, they don't understand the wording but what they do understand is it's about Daddy's work. After the discussion we had as a family the night before where they listened and didn't ask many questions (which is unusual for their little enquiring minds) now that they had time to absorb what information was given to them last night they were ready to ask questions. Of course it has to be with just me. Okay, I'm ready for this, I'm going to answer to the best of my ability and make sure I answer them in a way they understand. I don't want to scare them but I want them to be informed. Mom Jr. is up first (which normally she is the leader of the pack, she is the oldest, the comforter, the one that will be my help in explaining to younger ones) "Mom what does it mean by liquidating?" So I try to explain it and I can tell already she isn't really getting it so I turn it around the way my husband said was another way of explaining it. I tell her "okay, when a couple gets divorced they have to decide who gets what" as I'm explaining this to her D jumps in and says "you and Daddy aren't getting divorced right?" "no!" I tell him I am just trying to explain the situation in a way that I think will be easier for you to understand.
Anyway I make my way through the explanation and I can tell Mom Jr. is catching on. They get it but they are kids, they have their own ideas and thoughts, I don't want to interrupt that at all. I did tell them we were telling them so that they were informed but in no way did they have to worry about it, it was something Mom and Dad would figure out, they just had to keep in mind that when we say no to something it's not that we don't want to get it for them it's that it's just not the right time. I think they got it, it still makes me sad to have to explain any of it to them. I love their smiles, their no worry attitudes, their giggles, their silliness, I hate to put any type of dent in that.
My good friend calls me this morning after reading what was going on and invites us over for just an evening of fun for the kids and good conversation for us. It was a great thought but I know I am not good company right now, I am of course still worried to the point if it's brought up I fall apart in tears. I need time to turn my thoughts around, to remember the strength within me, to bring out that determined Mom inside me that will do whatever it takes to make sure my children are not only smiling on the outside but on the inside too. They deserve to be light on their feet, to have their giggles flow through the air, to have their smiles sparkle unbelievably bright that it's just contagious for all that's around them. And eventually I will get there I just need time to allow myself to absorb it, release it, and rise from it.
So Mom Jr. gets a call from my good friends daughter (which happens to be one of Mom Jr.s best friends) she asks her to spend the night. Daddy says he'll take her and of course the boys want to go with Daddy to drop her off. I'm glad my husband says he'll take her because for one he needs the get away, the time to talk with his friend (who happens to be a great guy, a good dad, and husband) he says he's taking the two older boys which just couldn't wait to go and hang out with the twin boys who are also their friends. I keep J with me, we pick up pizza and come back home. I knew the boys wouldn't be back, when they do show up they are all smiling. Just what they all needed. I'll get their too, it just takes me a little longer.
So to end the week, Mom Jr. is at her friends and I'm sure is just soaking up the fun times with her friend which she should do entirely without any worries in her mind, she's a child after all and the only thing I want her to think about is what makes her smile, what makes her heart warm, what makes her laugh, this is after all her summer before 5th grade. As for the boys they are completely in their comfort zone when they are with their Dad. He is their idol, he is their shining star, their coach, their teacher, their best buddy. They instantly glow with huge smiles when they see him at the door. He is their hero above anything else. He is their DAD, the one that can fix it all, that has the solution to the problem, that will make it okay. I remember the day he couldn't wait for a boy and now he has three that just can't get enough of him.
This is the end of an extremely uncontrollable week of emotions. So fast, they came, so fast they ended up the same. It's crazy, I know, all I can do is look for some positive, some light between the clouds, and I'm sure eventually it'll be shining bright down upon us. Until then I will do what I can, find the strength within, and make sure my children stay being children without the worries us parents are trying to handle one way or another.
We will survive, we will make it, we will find a way.........................because we believe!!!

Just a Mom holding her Husbands hand as together, we are trying to find the strength to pull us through along with our family...